Every Decision I Make Will Be Wrong So Just Poison Me

You are immunocompromised except that you are definitely not immunocompromised you just have a very weak immune system. Yes, we know we said you had primary immunodeficiency and we were keeping you alive with blood plasma infusions and that you almost died from a viral infection but in terms of semantics we refuse to give you a real diagnosis today and want you to rest assured that you will be fine unless you are not.

You should get a fourth shot at six months or actually at five months or maybe four months or maybe never. You have two immunologists who are in direct disagreement over whether and when you should get a fourth shot so you ask for advice from doctors on Twitter who say you definitely should not wait but should wait or maybe it doesn’t matter or maybe it will better protect you during the surge or maybe it will blow up your whole immune system.

You should cancel all close contact with anyone outside your household but also stop being such an anxious hypochondriac but also consider yours and your family’s mental health but also consider their mental health if you end up in the ICU…again. But you won’t because there are no beds there so you will probably just die in a hallway.

You worked your ass off to get Democrats elected so they wouldn’t actively try to kill you but they are only passively trying to kill you because everyone has chosen a thredbare economy and blatant eugenics.

You should quarantine whenever you are potentially exposed to COVID which is every time you pick up a prescription at the pharmacy or go to the grocery store or send your kids to their three-hour-a-day-while-it-lasts school. But you should also never quarantine because the rules make no sense and really there are no rules and we are all going to get COVID anyway. And it’s just a cold. Except when its not. Except when you need medical care. Which you can’t get.

It’s OK to be jealous of your friends who have easily survived Omicron but also don’t be jealous because they might all have dementia in five years’ time.

We have great treatments available including pills and monoclonal antibodies which aren’t available to anyone right now so if you are going to get COVID you should definitely wait.

But also if you get Omicron it might protect you from some future murder variant which everyone will be safe from except for you, you stupid paranoid bitch.

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