I built this blog on promoting organic non-GMO food and healthy living. My goal has been to help make healthier, cleaner foods and products more affordable and accessible – without going over the top.
I never professed to be perfect. And as my children have aged, I’ve grown more lenient about sugary snacks and processed foods. It’s all about balance.
But when life goes completely batshit – as in, at the time of this writing, one month into a pandemic quarantine – priorities change fast. American’s first inexplicable instinct was to stock up on Campbells Soup, Chef Boyardee, and Doritos, the processed comfort foods of our youth. My family wasn’t immune from this epidemic – we have purchased Pop Tarts, Frosted Flakes, and Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. Because it is a GODDAMN PANDEMIC AND WE GIVE NO F**KS RIGHT NOW ABOUT LITERALLY ANYTHING BUT STAYING ALIVE LONG ENOUGH TO CARE ABOUT SODIUM AGAIN.
We scoured the shelves for potent Clorox Bleach and scented Purell because COVID-19 > PTHALATES at this juncture. My thieves oil spray can Netflix and chill until humans can touch again.
Now that I have set the current mood of 99% of Americans, I’m compelled to share – and break the f**k down – the most over-the-top, privileged, and problematic post I’ve read this week. And this is a week when STATES ARE OUTBIDDING EACH OTHER ON BASIC PROTECTIVE EQUIPMENT FOR DOCTORS. So, you know this is some shit.
Chris Cuomo, beloved CNN anchor and brother of NY Governor and new thirst trap for your mom Andrew Cuomo, has been chronicling his battle with COVID-19. I’ve found his updates to be inspiring, enlightening, and helpful for so many of us living in abject terror of contracting this disease.
A well-meaning green-living friend tagged me in a post written by Chris Cuomo’s wife Cristina, who apparently runs a wellness site called Purist: Purist founder Cristina Cuomo outlines the health and diet regimen followed by her husband, CNN anchor Chris Cuomo, while he battles COVID-19. OK, I’ll bite. Lemon water? Elderberry? I’m here for any recommendations.
When I saw the “Live Laugh Love” header, I knew this wasn’t my jam, but I was still curious if there might be some helpful tips for fighting this virus with the support of natural remedies. I’m all about integrative medicine, and I’m wide open to anything Trump isn’t actively buying stock in while trying to get us killed.
Cuomo enlisted the help of an “energy medicine physician” for an aggressive regimen of “anti-virals” as follows:
2 AntiViril-3x daily (vegetable capsules with andrographis [above-ground parts], taraxcum [whole plant], lonerica japonica [flower bud])
1 OKO-3x daily (stabilized oxygen, potentized quinine 3x homeopathic dilution prepared in Sac Lac base)
3 KappArest-3x daily
Respiratory Response-1 dropperful 3x a day (derived from passion flower, olive leaf, andrographis and others)
AlkaC-3x daily, in water, AM + PM 6000 mlg
Belladonna (fever)-2 pellets 3-4x daily
Tylenol (taken as needed)
Allegra D-1x daily
Glutathione powder-1 scoop daily, in water
Vitamin D-6000 mg daily
Rhus Tox (aches)-2 pellets 3-4x daily
Gelsemium (chills)-2 pellets 3-4x daily
Camphora (chest)-2 pellets 2x daily (do not take at the same time as any other remedies)
Echinacea/OSHA compound-1 dropper full 3x daily
CoQ (antioxidant that supports nervous system)-1x daily
Magnesium citrate-2 at bedtime
Sunlighten sauna-30 minutes daily
GIRL WHAT? Apart from the Tylenol, Allegra-D (bless), and some Vitamin D pills, I’m absolutely confounded here. Isn’t there such thing as doing TOO MUCH? A few homeopaths commenting on the post on social media said as much: “Throw a bunch of stuff at it and something will stick isn’t homeopathy. One properly selected remedy would replace that protocol.”
Look, I don’t know if homeopathy works or if it doesn’t. I’m not here to advocate for or against it by any means. But I want to know this: WHERE ARE YOU GETTING BELLADONNA PELLETS IN A PANDEMIC? I can’t even find toilet paper. Who has all this?
And more importantly, WHO HAS AN INFRARED SAUNA IN THEIR HOUSE? In this economy, we’re lucky we have a working shower. If I want sun, I walk outside and stare at the sky.
Meanwhile, this man is out here broken down on video for us all after sweating endlessly through fever dreams. And then he is shoved into a hot sauna. Are we trying to exercise a demogorgan? This is not Stranger Things!
But that’s just the supplements. We need to talk about the meals.
Cuomo starts by rattling off a list of 432 people involved in the preparation of said meals: chefs, shoppers, and the staff of entire organic meal prep companies. AND DON LEMON.
Here is a sample from the food plan:
Lunch: Avocado toast with baked shitake mushrooms (tastes like bacon), lentil soup
Dinner: Carrot and spinach soup, turmeric codfish, onions
Breakfast: Homemade tea of ginger and lemon, English muffin with ghee
Lunch: Spinach, kale and watercress soup, whole-wheat pretzel
Dinner: Grilled cauliflower and eggplant, gluten-free pasta with basil pesto and tomatoes
Brunch: Spinach omelet with garlic and onions, chicken broth, homemade tea of ginger and lemon, small scoop of yogurt with organic blueberries, Juice Press Ginger FireBall drink
Lunch: Turkey chili with fresh white onions, arugula salad
Dinner: Wild salmon, broccoli, chicken soup, small scoop of raspberry sorbet with blueberries, Turmeric Juice Press drink.
I promise you that I love my husband as much as Cristina loves Chris Cuomo (“No you don’t!” he yells from the other room.) But if that man ends up isolated in my basement with coronavirus, he’s getting Progresso chicken soup pushed under the door with a Gatorade.
I’m not saying I don’t make homemade food. I’ve pickled my own cucumbers and made organic jam from scratch. But what I’m saying is that I have not been able to procure flour in three weeks. Going out to the grocery store is a life-or-death gamble, and my immunocompromised ass is in deep prayer for the Instacart workers risking everything to bring my family whatever dregs of nourishment are left at Acme.
There are seven people in America right now who currently have the money and access to all of the things on this list. Furthermore, when during a full day “remote working” and “homeschooling” and making DIY masks out of underwear because we live in hell, how are we supposed to find the time and inclination to press juice?
Here, Organic Krush’s delicious organic chicken salad with Juice Press’ “green” salad dressing; Organic Krush’s Power Greens savory soup with broccoli, kale, spinach, shallots, garlic vegetable broth, salt, black pepper, safflower oil to which I added couscous and chives; Lemon, ginger and honey tea; a pitcher of lemon water in my favorite Tory Burch pitcher to add some pretty color to the mix.
LOLOL HERE IS A CHIPPED BOWL FROM IKEA FILLED WITH CRISPEX AND A GENERIC TYLENOL I FOUND UNDER THE BED.
Look, there are plenty of people posting lifestyle aspiration porn – Gwyneth Paltrow, Lauren Bosworth, Shay Mitchell. (I don’t know who the second two people are, but I know these are things.) And that’s fine if you want to buy a vagina-scented candle, you do you. But at a time when the unemployment rate is pushing 20% and getting a Fresh Direct delivery slot is like winning the lottery, is this reasonable advice?
I am all for eating healthy homemade food and choosing organic whenever feasible. I agree that what we put in our bodies significantly impacts our well-being and that alternative medicine can have wonderful benefits.
But if (when?) COVID-19 strikes my trash immune system – which continues to be trash despite a steady diet of clean food, exercise, and sunshine – the only food I want to be prescribed is IV-fluid running through my narrow veins. Just keep me alive long enough to order from the hospital menu.