How We Killed My Friend’s Hamster

I was a crafty kid. I made earrings out of noodles. I made villages out of shoeboxes. And I liked to do “science experiments” with personal care products. Little did I know…


Me circa age 10 with noodle earrings. Note: this is not the friend whose hamster we killed.


My friend and I would mix up batches of everything in the bathroom – baby powder, Head & Shoulders shampoo, my mother’s perfume. And sometimes we would color it by popping out little ovals of watercolor paint. The concoctions created a foul smelling globby goo that I would package in margarine containers and label “Paige’s Paint.” I believe I had aspirations of selling them.

One day in the fourth grade, my friend and decided to build a house for her hamster Bloomie out of a cardboard box and paint it with the illustrious goo. Needless to say, the hamster chewed through the house and dropped dead.

I would like to call this a narrative on the toxicity of conventional products. However, I am quite sure that if an animal ate an entire tube of my all natural deodorant it could possibly face the same untimely death.

So the morale of this story is: pay attention to what the hell your kids are doing and don’t let them poison the hamster.

The End.


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